Bedroom Inner Secrets

THE KEY IS TO TOTALLY FOCUS ON THE NEEDS OF THE OTHER

2008-01-09T18:32:00.000+08:00

"Love seeks to make happy rather than to be happy." - Ralph Connor

THE NATURAL INSTINCTS - SELF PRESERVATION & ENHANCEMENT

Men and women are generally born selfish and self-centered. It is always about what I like and what I think. The extension of this trait into the marriage relationship soon surfaces after the glitter of the honeymoon is over. This is where spouses will think to themselves and say, "Why should I be so stupid to always be the one who gives in and who sacrifices.

THE TRAGEDY OF JUSTIFICATION

There is no right and wrong in what justification can be given by someone who wants things to go his or her own way. The greatest tragedy is no one ever sees the other's point with clarity and objectivity. Soon small nuances creep into the behavior and small little cracks surfaces.

GIVING IS A REQUIREMENT TO SUBORDINATE OUR OWN DESIRES FIRST

Zig Ziglar said, "Whoever brings someone up the hill is himself or herself so much closer to the summit." There is great truth in this. Time and again when someone is prepared to subordinate his own desires and wants to the other gets much more satisfaction himself.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT - TRY IT (FOR THE WOMEN)......

When you next make love, try this. Go all out to make sure you pamper your partner. Gently love him, caress him, stroke him, kiss him and patiently rub yourself on him as you start. Kiss him and 'french kiss' him for a long enough period. Run your hands all over him and gently caress his private area. Take your time and lovingly stroke his nipples and tell him how great and fantastic he is. Then ask him what he would like you to do and say that you will do it gracefully. Assure him how you will handle his excitement and how you will prolong his enjoyment.

Then lift up your assets and bring it to him and tell him, "These are all yours - do what you want with it!" Rub your nipples in ten different ways, each time silently inviting him to move on you. When he actually does that, hold him back and say, "just be patient and you will love it!" Tell him tonight will be extra special!

Love is not only about contact - it is also about suggestion, about offering, about projection, about imagination. Turn your back to him and show him your assets from a different angle. Tell him, "How about a change - enter me differently today." Play with his feeling, his emotions, his fantasies. Ask him to tell how he plans to satisfy you later. Talk about when he is inside you; how you will use your muscles to hold his tool so that he can feel the whole length of your inside. Tell him for the next half an hour, you would want to make him feel like a king. Play a game with him - like the hand signal game. Whenever you win, you tell him he can just lie there. Whenever he wins, you tell him you will make him feel good for 5 minutes.

Make him feel really ready for intercourse but don't bring him to very near the edge. Continue to make him horny like mad but as he cannot stand it any longer, back up and love him in the other less senstive parts. Do this and tell him how you love and how you will be ready for him soon. In the entire process, it has to be give, give, give.... Such selfless giving always brings with it great rewards.

MORE ON GIVING (FOR MEN) IN THE NEXT POST.....

WHERE DO YOU STAND IN YOUR MARITAL CONNECTION?

2008-01-07T12:50:00.000+08:00

"The sound of a kiss is not so loud as that of a cannon, but its echo lasts a great deal longer." - Oliver Wendell Holmes

Be frank and honest – answer this questionnaire
Do you find your spouse attractive & sexy?
Do you communicate your needs & sexual wants easily to your spouse?
Do you discuss your actions & the things you do in your love-making?
Do you both actively initiate & lead in the entire process of love-making?
Do you experiment with new approaches & new techniques?
Do you always have a long & enjoyable period of fore-play most times?
Do you have at least few minutes of heightened pleasure before climax?
Do you experience climax every time your make love?
Do you feel fulfilled & completely satisfied each time you make love?
Do you think your spouse is ‘fantastic’ & look forward to the next time?

If your answer is mainly “yes”, you are on track to becoming a great lover. Every marriage needs the love-making to be great. If there are a number of “no”s in the answers, you have a problem. If sexual fulfillment is not a part of the marriage, the relationship is in dire straits.

Unfortunately today, many marriages are not sexually fulfilling. Sex is used mainly for procreation and perhaps quick “releases”. Such instant gratification always result in one partner feeling dissatisfied and this is the beginning of most marital infidelity.

Willingness to communicate is a must
The problem is that none of the spouses are willing to confess to such feelings of inadequacy or lack of fulfillment. Communication in most Asian marriages on such matters are almost always taboo. What a tragedy!! Husbands & even wives with opportunities to establish links with other possible partners will frequently succumb to such possible infidelities.

The consequences of starting wrongly in this “physical” sexual area of connection have such pervasive consequences that once the wrong path is taken, there is almost no chance of turning back. This is the greatest tragedy of all. The majority of marriages walk down this wrong path because the early stages of marriage are often accompanied by inexperience and the inability to perceive feelings that are wrong. The sacrificial overtures of early love lead to habits that are later extremely difficult to change.

A journey of discovery
This is why the first three days of marriage where the honeymoon period commences and the first three months of marriage which is the time where partners adjust to each other is so critical. The first three days is the time of discovery – finding out about each other’s needs and wants and desires. It is the time for shortcomings to be corrected and for the best practices to be confirmed. Unfortunately, the shyness that accompanies Asian marriages especially on the woman’s part is a barrier to this exciting voyage of discovery.

Starting the journey right

If the wrong start is made, the wrong accompanying moves will be in the marriage for the long-term. Hoping to redress the weaknesses later will usually not take place. The first three months is the period of adjustment. Anything that is not right and feelings of inadequate satisfaction must be addressed in this period. Unhindered communication is what must be practiced here. This is why I encourage potential spouses to be 100% transparent in their communication with each other.

Talking it over
We talk of “debrief” in modern training programs and I do this all the time with the participants of my training programs. Usually, we find such sessions to be most valuable as the real opinions and perceptions are brought out. “Debrief” in sexual unions in marriages is even more important. It is a “must” for all marriages. A debrief after an intense sexual session can go like this:

Husband: “Darling, was it really good? Are you very satisfied?” Please tell me about your climax. How did you find it?”
Wife: “Yes, my love, it was really good. I feel so fulfilled now – you are really my man!”
Husband: “How was the foreplay? Do you like me to kiss you more? I noticed that when I kissed you and put my tongue in with yours, you were initially hesitant. Was it OK?”
Wife: “O, I loved it. Initially, I didn’t know you can kiss like this. Is it called “French kiss”? Once I got over the first feelings, I loved it. Next time you can spend a longer time kissing me this way.”
Wife continues, “And I noticed you pull away when I kissed your nipples. You felt like you liked it when I touched your nipples but don’t you like me to kiss you on your nipples?”
Husband: “Yeah, I feel kind of strange. Maybe with time, I will get used to it. But you can kiss me everywhere else. I just love you to use your tongue to roll over my cheeks and neck……”

The above is an example of how the conversation can go. In future articles, we will talk about communicating on more intimate things. Once such open conversation is engaged, the future for that marriage is assured. This is where improvements and corrections can be constantly made and the result is always mutual agreements.

Just like learning a new game

The early parts of the marriage is like learning a new game such as badminton or table tennis. Right at the start, the way the racket is gripped, the way the player is set up and the way the player executes the hits are crucial for the future well-being of that player. Start the grip wrong, allow the stance and set-up to be unwieldy and tolerate racket strokes that are not consonant with proper techniques and you have a player who will not go far, no matter how talented he is. This is the real issue.

Players cannot start their involvement with the game wrong – they simply should not do things their own way. Likewise in love-making, the two partners must get their act right from the start. The foundation of their interactive intercourse should be soundly premised. Otherwise, there will never be the experience of reaching the high heights.

The "essentiality" of establishing healthy habits

In coaching, we say that we must never allow the wrong habits to form. Why? It is because habits are extremely difficult to change. Once a wrong habit is formed, there will have to be a process of “Unlearning” before the right techniques can be taught again and this usually takes a long time.

Great sex, great enjoyment, great mutual satisfaction and great mutual fulfillment can be the case for all marriages. It doesn’t need one to be a great physical lover for great satisfaction to take place. It is all down to getting the act right early and working on the right start as a platform.

NEXT PUBLISHING:

Why giving and focusing on the sexual satisfaction of the other spouse plays such a vital role in bringing forth mutual satisfaction.
Why providing for an “Assessment” session is so important to great love-making!
Why love is so much in the mind and how limitations can be overcome by first creating a clear “belief” system.
How to handle the early cases of premature ejaculation (which troubles so many) and frigidity (usually arising from years of caution statements and taboo affirmations)

BUILDING FIRM MARRIAGE FOUNDATIONS

2008-01-04T17:25:00.000+08:00

"When LOVE and SKILL work together, expect a MASTERPIECE" - John Ruskin

Most modern marriages are under severe threat
In a modernistic world where communication is almost seamless and interaction is a level playing field, many marriages flounder even as newly-wed couples begin life together. Amidst the pressures of making a decent living and keeping up with the “Joneses”, many newly weds find “time” a precious commodity. As the marriage begins on tottering steps in financial terms, the pressure of balancing the family budget makes living together a challenge.

When the smoke settles and the glitter fades…
This feeling of fading romance is almost the first test of a marriage’s foundations. By such time, the couple should have established at least a framework of understanding in the development of their mutual relational base. The ability to communicate with each other in an open and frank manner and the establishing of an understanding that there should be no offence in things said (as suggestions for betterment) is crucial to get the relationship entrenched in a firm foundation of mutually accepted principles.

The “essentiality” of great beginnings
What happens in the first few days is very important as the opening guide for the rest of the couple’s life. Great sex is seldom developed from a very poor beginning. The beginning sets the tone for the likely trend that the marriage will take. While the first three to four days are taken amidst a background of “hot” and torrid love, the first three or four months will be more reflective of what happens in the years to come. This is when the passionate and gay abandon of the first few days have ended. This is where the likely patterns of love-making are set. By such time, both the husband and wife should have establish some understanding of each other and their likes and dislikes.

Great love is both natural and nurtured
Are great lovers made or born? No expert can give a clever answer to this question? If two young people get into a marital relationship expecting to find the physical and sensual connections a natural progression, they will most probably be disappointed. No one is quite good enough to naturally find the best solutions to satisfying the other partner. It is a not a “cut-slash-bash” approach that will bring the great feelings of love and starry fulfillment. True love has to be understood and then developed. It is two people adjusting to each other; it is two people trying to find the best way of pleasing each other; it is two people giving of their best.

People are simply so different
Unfortunately or fortunately as the case may be, people are simply very different. What is good for the goose may not be good for the gander! How true is this statement! People simply have very different preferences in what they like. It is like food. Some people without plausible explanation simply cannot bring themselves to like the best chicken dishes; others simply will not touch vegetable dishes or meat dishes. Yet others do not like to eat prawns. There are no explanations. You simply accept them for they like and what they don’t. You can’t even try to coerce them into liking what they don’t.

It is this difference that makes life exciting
Yes, it is in the differences that life’s highs are achieved. Anyone who works towards gapping such differences will find access to great joy and fulfillment. Every man should spend the first few months of his marital life trying to get to know the deep needs and the deep sensual wants of his spouse. It is a time of exploration and improvement. It is a constant process of prolonging satisfaction and driving the sexual wants of his wife to a place where every need can be met. Likewise, the wife should peel off her own shyness and bashfulness and work towards understanding that there are are no barriers in love.

NEXT PUBLISHING:

A time of finding out pleasures and heightened likes!
A time also of finding out weaknesses and dislikes
There must be an agreement to communicate
There must be an encouragement to lead and initiate
Nothing is not permissible and everything is not improbable